Ask Aunt Clara
When Your Love Language Is Tire Pressure, Not Sonnets
Aunt Clara offers practical advice for a bride who prefers steady devotion over stage-lit poetry at the altar.
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My fiancé really wants us to write our own wedding vows, but every time I try, I freeze up and sound like an awkward instruction manual. He is naturally poetic and expressive, whereas my love language is checking his tire pressure and making sure he eats breakfast. How do I tell him I would rather stick to traditional vows without making him feel like I don’t love him deeply?
When Your Love Language Is Tire Pressure, Not
— Tongue-Tied Bride
Dearest Tongue-Tied Bride,
Let me tell you a little secret: a man who has someone checking his tire pressure and packing him breakfast is a very lucky man indeed. Poetry makes for lovely greeting cards, my dear, but steady, attentive devotion is what keeps a roof over your head and air in the tires for fifty years.
Love Speaks in Many Dialects
There is no single right way to express devotion, especially on your wedding day. Your fiancé may be a bard at heart, but you are a builder. Freezing up at the thought of reciting custom verse in front of friends, neighbors, and distant cousins does not mean your feelings are any less profound. Traditional vows have carried couples through thick and thin for generations precisely because they provide sturdy, beautiful scaffolding when our own words fail us.
Find a Gentle Compromise
Rather than feeling like you must match his poetic flair, sit down together over a quiet cup of tea and tell him the truth with love. You might say, “I love you with all my heart, but trying to perform custom vows makes me anxious. I want to be fully present and grounded when I make my sacred promises to you.”
Then, offer a compromise that honors both of your spirits. You can say traditional vows together at the altar—where the timeless words do the heavy lifting—and exchange private, handwritten letters to read before the ceremony or tuck away for your first anniversary. In a letter, you can be your genuine, practical self without stage fright, promising to love him, stand by him, and keep his tires safely inflated.
A good marriage begins with honoring each other’s nature. Stand proud in how you love, darling—it is the bedrock of a wonderful life together.
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